The chaos is an every day matter, isn't it? But, when I can remove myself from it all just a little bit and remember what it is that really matters, it isn't the clutter or the chaos. It's the people, the moments and the opportunities to love, teach, and nurture.
I know I get going along in my day and I can't hardly push pause. The day is in gear and if I shift out of it, I may never shift back in. The clutter will mount and I'll get further behind, dinner might not get made and homework and reading will definitely take a hit. If there's one thing I've learned over raising kids for 23 years it's that the chaos goes up and down. No matter what you do or how hard you work, it's never ALL done. You may enjoy a clean house for 20 minutes, but it never lasts. But, what really matters every day? Seeing those moments in people's lives where you can really make a difference. It may be just a little one, it may even be more for me that anyone else. So, the challenge then becomes being able to carry on despite the chaos. To really SEE those moments and opportunities in people's lives and be able to push pause a midst the chaos and act on inspiration and that's a choice.
Have you ever watched "Psych"? It's a detective series starring Shaun (who has "psychic" powers) and Gus, his sidekick. Shaun isn't really sci-fi "psychic" just really observant to details and situations. When it wants to emphasize what he sees that no one else does, it shows him looking at something and then it highlights the thing that he sees. Maybe it's some paper in the trash or fingerprints on door or something out of place. Well, that's how I like to try to identify the really important things in the day a midst all the clutter and chaos. Maybe it's when a kid needs a snuggle (highlight), or a teenager needs some time to vent (highlight) or your sweetheart needs his wife not just a roommate (highlight). Or maybe it's just a bunch of ripened bananas sitting on the counter (highlight).
I stopped at my sister-in-laws yesterday to drop something off. They are in the midst of remodeling their home and there was some chaos you could say. But, the thing I remember most was the smell of fresh baked banana bread in the oven as I walked in. It smelled sooooo good and welcoming! Somehow despite all the craziness, she made banana bread (highlight). And as each of her kids walked in, that's what made them smile and be glad to be home. That is what it means to carry on despite the chaos and that matters every single day!
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
"To the Mothers in Zion"
Have you ever read the talk by Pres. Ezra Taft Benson, "To the Mothers in Zion"? It's worth the read. That said, it may not be an easy read. While it validates my efforts and it also pricks my conscience where I'm coming up short. Both are good. He shares ten things for mothers to be focusing on. 1) Be at the Crossroads 2) Be a Real Friend 3) Read to you Children 4) Pray with you Children 5) Have Weekly Home Evenings 6) Be Together at Mealtimes 7) Read Scriptures Daily 8) Be things as a Family 9) Teach Your Children 10) Truly love your children.
It's worth reading what he has to say about each one of those and assessing how you're doing in your divine role as a mother. We often get down on ourselves and discouraged, but I tried to read this talk as prophetic counsel. If there's an area of weakness then work to strengthen it. If there's an area where you're doing well, then endorse yourself for that! Our lives in today's world seem more complicated than the simple days mothers had when rearing their children. But, it's worth being reminded that it's all still a choice and the simple things are often the vital things.
I love a paragraph at the end of his talk, "Here is a beautiful tribute by a son to his mother: "I don't remember much about her views of voting nor her social prestige; and what her ideas on child training, diet and eugenics were, I cannot recall. The main thing that sifts back to me now through the thick undergrowth of years is that she loved me. She liked to lie on the grass with me and tell stories, or to run and hide with us children She was always hugging me. And I liked it. She had a sunny face. To me it was like God, and all the beatitudes saints tell of Him. And sing! Of all the sensations pleasurable to my life nothing can compare with the rapture of crawling up into her lap and going to sleep while she swung to and fro in her rocking chair and sang. Thinking of this, I wonder if the woman of today, with all her tremendous notions and plan, realized what an almighty factor she is in the shaping of her child for weal or woe. I wonder if she realizes how much sheer love and attention count for in a child's life."
I love that none of those things cost money or take much energy. They are simple things. I can lie on the grass, run and hide, tell stories, rock, sing, and give hugs. Just thinking about it makes me smile and want to pull my kids on to my lap! Though most of them won't fit there anymore, I can still convey that I love them in other simple ways as I pray and listen. Reading this talk validated for me the importance of what I do everyday as a mother and strengthened my resolve to be a good one. Maybe today when my kids get home from school I can greet them into a "Haven of Delight" with a "Sunny Face!"
It's worth reading what he has to say about each one of those and assessing how you're doing in your divine role as a mother. We often get down on ourselves and discouraged, but I tried to read this talk as prophetic counsel. If there's an area of weakness then work to strengthen it. If there's an area where you're doing well, then endorse yourself for that! Our lives in today's world seem more complicated than the simple days mothers had when rearing their children. But, it's worth being reminded that it's all still a choice and the simple things are often the vital things.
I love a paragraph at the end of his talk, "Here is a beautiful tribute by a son to his mother: "I don't remember much about her views of voting nor her social prestige; and what her ideas on child training, diet and eugenics were, I cannot recall. The main thing that sifts back to me now through the thick undergrowth of years is that she loved me. She liked to lie on the grass with me and tell stories, or to run and hide with us children She was always hugging me. And I liked it. She had a sunny face. To me it was like God, and all the beatitudes saints tell of Him. And sing! Of all the sensations pleasurable to my life nothing can compare with the rapture of crawling up into her lap and going to sleep while she swung to and fro in her rocking chair and sang. Thinking of this, I wonder if the woman of today, with all her tremendous notions and plan, realized what an almighty factor she is in the shaping of her child for weal or woe. I wonder if she realizes how much sheer love and attention count for in a child's life."
I love that none of those things cost money or take much energy. They are simple things. I can lie on the grass, run and hide, tell stories, rock, sing, and give hugs. Just thinking about it makes me smile and want to pull my kids on to my lap! Though most of them won't fit there anymore, I can still convey that I love them in other simple ways as I pray and listen. Reading this talk validated for me the importance of what I do everyday as a mother and strengthened my resolve to be a good one. Maybe today when my kids get home from school I can greet them into a "Haven of Delight" with a "Sunny Face!"
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
"Would you like a Do-Over?"
12 year old (full of raging hormones from puberty, lack of sleep from poor choices the night before, and frustration that he slept through his alarm): "You didn't wake me up!"......"It's your fault I'm having such a bad morning"....."You don't care about me"......"My hair won't go right"......"This is going to be the worst day ever!"
Front door (innocent inanimate object): SLAM!!!!!!
15 seconds pass, front door opens, (sheepish 12 year old): "I missed the bus."
Mom (feeling intense anger and resentment at being treated so badly, but mustering most mature self): "What would you like to do about that?"
12 year old (very stressed and raised voice): "Ugh! Can you just take me?"
Mom (debating whether to make him walk to school in the rain for acting so poorly all morning, but decides to try another approach): "Yes, but would you like a Do-over while we drive so you can practice not being so grumpy and defensive?"
It's pretty much a scenario being repeated all over Layton this morning. Is there a right way to handle these interactions? Going on instinct alone results in confrontation and yelling, I've tried that. Doesn't work. Lots of parenting books I've read say not to interact with them when they act this way, ignore them, walk away, refuse to help, let them suffer the consequences of their poor behavior. Also, not one of my favorite approaches, no one wins and the anger festers for later, and you still have the dilemma of getting to school cause you really don't want them staying home at this point.
(Light shining down highlighting this paragraph): However, the "Do-Over" approach has worked well for me. It's what both us and our kids really want. A second chance to try that again, this time with the knowledge that what we just tried didn't work so well and a clean slate to try again. So, why not? It's what we do when we want to get better at something, practice and practice and practice. Think about music or sports or spelling or any skill for that matter......if you want to get better, you have to practice! So, why not behavior? When our kids (or even us) make a mess of things, we can interrupt the ensuing crash and burn and ask them if they'd like a do-over. "Hey, this isn't going very well for either of us, let's pause for a minute and then try a do-over." It's basically practice for better behavior and interactions. Right now it's with us, their mom or dad, but someday it will be with their husband or wife, their boss or their own kids. Trying again with knowledge of what didn't work so well and effort to make it a little better often results in improvement. And that's what "Do-overs" are all about.
Mom (relieved that all parenting for the last 12 years hasn't been wasted and that there is a more peaceful feeling as beloved child exits car) "Have a good day!"
12 yr. old (much calmer and relieved as getting out of car to face crazy day at Jr. High): "I will, thanks for taking me mom."
No door slam. :)
Front door (innocent inanimate object): SLAM!!!!!!
15 seconds pass, front door opens, (sheepish 12 year old): "I missed the bus."
Mom (feeling intense anger and resentment at being treated so badly, but mustering most mature self): "What would you like to do about that?"
12 year old (very stressed and raised voice): "Ugh! Can you just take me?"
Mom (debating whether to make him walk to school in the rain for acting so poorly all morning, but decides to try another approach): "Yes, but would you like a Do-over while we drive so you can practice not being so grumpy and defensive?"
It's pretty much a scenario being repeated all over Layton this morning. Is there a right way to handle these interactions? Going on instinct alone results in confrontation and yelling, I've tried that. Doesn't work. Lots of parenting books I've read say not to interact with them when they act this way, ignore them, walk away, refuse to help, let them suffer the consequences of their poor behavior. Also, not one of my favorite approaches, no one wins and the anger festers for later, and you still have the dilemma of getting to school cause you really don't want them staying home at this point.
(Light shining down highlighting this paragraph): However, the "Do-Over" approach has worked well for me. It's what both us and our kids really want. A second chance to try that again, this time with the knowledge that what we just tried didn't work so well and a clean slate to try again. So, why not? It's what we do when we want to get better at something, practice and practice and practice. Think about music or sports or spelling or any skill for that matter......if you want to get better, you have to practice! So, why not behavior? When our kids (or even us) make a mess of things, we can interrupt the ensuing crash and burn and ask them if they'd like a do-over. "Hey, this isn't going very well for either of us, let's pause for a minute and then try a do-over." It's basically practice for better behavior and interactions. Right now it's with us, their mom or dad, but someday it will be with their husband or wife, their boss or their own kids. Trying again with knowledge of what didn't work so well and effort to make it a little better often results in improvement. And that's what "Do-overs" are all about.
Mom (relieved that all parenting for the last 12 years hasn't been wasted and that there is a more peaceful feeling as beloved child exits car) "Have a good day!"
12 yr. old (much calmer and relieved as getting out of car to face crazy day at Jr. High): "I will, thanks for taking me mom."
No door slam. :)
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