The New "H" Word

How many times do you yell, "HURRY!" I was listening to myself the other day and I think I said it about 10 times in one minute.  Hurry to the car, Hurry to the bus, Hurry to eat, Hurry to the bath, Hurry to bed...until I couldn't remember why we were hurrying everywhere!  I know we live in a fast paced world and we get behind because we take on too many commitments.  But, who really pays the price of that word, "Hurry"?  Our nervous system, that's who.  Or our kids nervous systems or our spouse or our employees or even our poor pets.  There is a cascade reaction when the nervous system gets stressed.  A nice little chemical called Cortisol gets dumped in to the blood stream.  Now Cortisol is really handy if you are being chased by a bear or a tiger.  It speeds up your heart rate and your breathing so you can quickly get more energy to be able to run or fight or whatever is needed.  But, when there's no bear or tiger, it's quite an unpleasant experience to get a dump of cortisol.  Think about when you go to change lanes on the freeway and suddenly realize someone is there or almost run a red light, that's cortisol.  After listening to myself say "Hurry" a billion times I started linking it to a small (or large depending on the tone of my voice) cortisol dump.  It was happening inside my own body and I guarantee it was happening inside of my kids little bodies.  And for what?  A Bear?? A Lion??  Nope.  Soccer.  Or shoes.  Or even school.  Is that how I want to be sending my little kiddos off to a day of school?  With a nice little cortisol dump?  Here, Sam,  now "HURRY!" or you're gonna be late.  (But then go right inside and sit perfectly still and forget that inside of you there's a feeling of being chased by a bear!)  Sigh.  So, here's the thing.  Society as made us all a bit crazy at times.  The pressure to keep up and not be late is intense.  But, I'm gonna say that there's a new swear word in town.  The new "H" word at our house is H-U-R-R-Y.  Hurry.  And it's like swearing.  I've been trying really hard to not say it.  Instead I say, "hey, we're running behind here", or "do the best you can ok?"  or just say nothing and take a few breaths and realize the world won't stop revolving if you're late.  OR here's something to think about.....maybe planning a little more next time so you won't be late at all.  Just a thought.  (you know you can not be late to things you really decide not to be late to).   Regardless of the outcome, just decide you're not gonna say it and then don't.  Spare your kids and eventually yourself the cortisol dump that leads to increased anxiety and agitation.  Who knows but that one small change will help your kids and yourself feel more peaceful and less stressed.  And couldn't we all use just a little more of that?  So, cheers, to making the "H" word just a little less of an every-day-matter!!!

Remembering "Why" I'm a Mother

Sometimes I forget why I did what I did.  I forget that I had kids to bring me joy and meaning to life.  I forget that it was a decision that I made to bless my life.  And finally, I forget to enjoy what I've created!  Here are these precious little spirits in my home (some getting bigger than others) and they are here every day.  A little part of me and a little part of my sweetheart, truly, some of my most favorite people in the world! They are right under my nose and willing to be engaged with from the moment they wake up in the morning until the moment they fall asleep at night.  But, I forget sometimes why I wanted to engage with them at all!  There are several traps I fall in to.  1) The "you're bothering me" trap.  This one is for those days or times when our dearly beloveds just seem a bother.  I have an agenda and important things to do and you're needs just have to wait (or on bad days aren't important all together!)  These are the moments you snap curtly, "go do something else" or "quit bothering me!" or even "here, just play a game on the ipad".  2) the "don't have needs" trap.  It's almost a plea with the universe sometimes.  "Please let them not need me..." But, they do.  They're tired or hungry or stinky or just need attention.  And you are it! 3) Auto-pilot trap.   This one is sneaky cause it's basically, do nothing and nothing will happen.  Right.  Nothing.  Plug them in.  Let them eat cheetos and Trix for breakfast.  Or just never teach, comfort or guide.  It's a trap because nothing isn't "Why" we had kids at all! 4) The "Tune-out" trap.  It's like the jets that fly over my house every day.  I don't hear them anymore.  My kids fall in to the same trap sometimes.  I don't hear them anymore either.  Sad.  5) The control trap.  This one is the most prevalent for me.  Somehow I feel I need to control most things.  It isn't a democracy, it's a dictatorship.  But, really, I don't want to control everything and I do want my kids to learn choice and accountability.  Sometimes they will experiment with something and sometimes they'll like it and sometimes they'll hate it and change to something else.  It doesn't make them quitters.  It makes them independent thinkers!   I suppose there are more traps, but you get the gist.  I had kids because I wanted to delight in my creations and have a full life of engagement and challenges (yes, you heard me) and growth.  I want to recommit every time I notice a trap of my "why" I did what I did.  I want to remember that it was a deliberate choice and it isn't going to be perfect or always even pleasant.  But, when I laugh with my kids, watch them learn something new, or just engage with the world and life and learn, or even when they come to me for comfort because the world took a bite out, I have joy and there is meaning to my life. So, take a minute today to relish in your "why" and delight in your creations. Do it every day.  We're raising some of the best people in the world!  And that is an every-day-matter!!!!